Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Just pondering out loud...

Why, even when you think you are in total control of what you think and you feel does your mind and your heart still pop some suprises on you? Aren't you the master of your own destiny or something like that? Shouldn't a grown woman have some sort of an off button or something? Like a parachute as you hurtle toward the ground or a airbag in a front end crash or even one of those little beeping alarms that tell people they're too close when backing up? LoL

I feel like the girl in the book who asks for boobies from God (Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret, by Judy Blume) -

Are you there God? It's me, Chars. Can I please get a life safety feature or two installed? Maybe one of those fancy schmancy air pillow fluffy things that stunt people who jump out of windows land on? I'd be willing to pay extra for emotional airbags. And no, my boobs don't count. No matter how big they are. And maybe a roadmap so I can figure what the heck I'm doing would be nice. Or some detour signs? Or breadcrumbs? Thanks! That'd be peachy. Amen.

In all seriousness though, I've been doing a lot of thinking, honest praying and soul searching recently. Haven't found any answers yet, and not sure I will anytime soon. Just hoping for some mental clarity, calm and patience. Things all of us could use a little more of from time to time.

Last weekend was a lot of fun. I loved going to the fair and seeing so many people I'd hadn't seen in a long time. Being there just reminded me why Portage County is still home in my heart and where I probably need to be (at least closer to) long-term. I feel like I'm more me when I'm there and spending time with all the people there. It's a different vibe than Cleveland. (guess that's part of my soul searching, too)

My heart is heavy with things I wish I could talk about to you all, but they're too personal. I guess the people that need to know, already know what I'm talking about. For those that don't and care to, just say a little prayer for requests unspoken in the universe in general and I'm sure God will place a few of the ones I'm thinking about on that general list of billions and billions. LoL

Hope all is going well with you, dear friends and blog readers. Let's be thankful it's hump day and all look forward to Labor Day weekend!


Anonymous said...

Ok, I know you don't need or want my advice, but USE YOUR HEAD...I didn't, and I regret it. If he loved either of us as much as he claimed to, then he wouldn't be putting ads on craigslist for this past weekend to hookup in chicago. He also has them for the cleveland area. Just do a search for his screenname on there. He needs help. He doesn't want to be alone. You are too smart of a girl, and you have too much going for you to go back to that. Your choice, but he hasn't done anything to change his behavior, that's obvious. Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

Please note the dates posted. Is that love? Has he changed? Don't be blinded like I was. Now I see.


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