Just pondering out loud...

Why, even when you think you are in total control of what you think and you feel does your mind and your heart still pop some suprises on you? Aren't you the master of your own destiny or something like that? Shouldn't a grown woman have some sort of an off button or something? Like a parachute as you hurtle toward the ground or a airbag in a front end crash or even one of those little beeping alarms that tell people they're too close when backing up? LoL

I feel like the girl in the book who asks for boobies from God (Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret, by Judy Blume) -

Are you there God? It's me, Chars. Can I please get a life safety feature or two installed? Maybe one of those fancy schmancy air pillow fluffy things that stunt people who jump out of windows land on? I'd be willing to pay extra for emotional airbags. And no, my boobs don't count. No matter how big they are. And maybe a roadmap so I can figure what the heck I'm doing would be nice. Or some detour signs? Or breadcrumbs? Thanks! That'd be peachy. Amen.

In all seriousness though, I've been doing a lot of thinking, honest praying and soul searching recently. Haven't found any answers yet, and not sure I will anytime soon. Just hoping for some mental clarity, calm and patience. Things all of us could use a little more of from time to time.

Last weekend was a lot of fun. I loved going to the fair and seeing so many people I'd hadn't seen in a long time. Being there just reminded me why Portage County is still home in my heart and where I probably need to be (at least closer to) long-term. I feel like I'm more me when I'm there and spending time with all the people there. It's a different vibe than Cleveland. (guess that's part of my soul searching, too)

My heart is heavy with things I wish I could talk about to you all, but they're too personal. I guess the people that need to know, already know what I'm talking about. For those that don't and care to, just say a little prayer for requests unspoken in the universe in general and I'm sure God will place a few of the ones I'm thinking about on that general list of billions and billions. LoL

Hope all is going well with you, dear friends and blog readers. Let's be thankful it's hump day and all look forward to Labor Day weekend!

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Sometimes a fun night can be a ton of fun and still make you feel old. I am posting this from the 'Po county' fair. Ran into a lot of people from high school that i have not seen in years, and a ton of the kids (who are now teens or in college!) from the lake where i lifeguarded in the summers thru college. Gah i feel old!

More Harry pics and video...

Baby Pics... he looked like he was sucking his thumb when he was sleeping...



And he kinda looked like an alien for a while. Poor guy!




He's in the pile somewhere having dinner with his family:

Looking for a home: Mr. Harry Houdini

This cute little guy was the runt of the family. He was bottle fed and raised by hand. He has all his shots and a clean bill of health, is box trained and almost 4 months old. He's still very small, but has a voracious appetite. Sometimes he eats so fast and fervently that he gets food stuck up his nose! Very lovable and playful, with a motorboat purrbox. He's a tough guy though. Not at all afraid of the adult cats in our home. He'll play with any of them and loves it! Know anyone looking for a cute little addition to their family? Let them know about Harry! He seriously needs a family of his own to love!

Harry protects his chipmunk ferociously LoL

New kittens from the feral colony a.k.a. "the army"

My mom lives in rural Ohio and has become a cat lady, by no choice of her own. People are always abandoing cats on or near our property and they always find their way to her. The neighbors also have barn cats they refuse to fix (which is annoying as all get out) so, my mom's yard has become a feline paradise and she feeds them twice a day, attempts to get them medical care and we are working to get all the females spayed. Not an easy task since many of these cats are untouchable. Sigh...

A whole pile of ratlings... err, I mean kittens!
They are so goofy looking when they are this small.

This one my mom has started calling "the ghost"

My smart bumps aren't so smart...

For as long as I can remember I've had 3 tiny little bumps on my scalp. In the last 2 years they have grown in size and been joined by three neighbors. In the last 3 months, they have become large enough to be annoying, and get irritated/painful when I comb my hair.

I don't know about you, but bumps on my body kinda freak me out. Especially on my head. I of course used the treatment method of "search for it on the internet and self diagnose, then ignore if not life threatening." This past month I gave up and had them checked. My doctor and I agree that we think they are sebaceous cysts or epidermal cysts (Good lord don't google that for pics, unless you have a strong stomach)

The definition of wat these are from about.com is "A sebaceous cyst is a closed sac occurring just under the skin which contains a "pasty" or "cheesy" looking substance. A foul odor is also often present in the substance called keratin which fills sebaceous cysts. Keratin is a protein that creates the sac of cells called sebaceous cysts. The bumps or lumps you can feel under your skin are actually the sac of cells. "

Gross, huh?

Well, now I get the joy of having my first official surgery and the bumps and I will be parting ways on Aug. 18. I'm not a fan of needles or sharp objects being pointed towards my head so this should be fun.... gag

I am debating taking pics or video of the process and posting them here, because it would be fun to gross out the internet. But, then again, it might gross me out too much personally. We'll see.

Presenting: Fat Girl Gets Fit

Part of me is excited to be open and honest with you all about this part of my life, and the other part of me is scared to death you will judge me so harshly I'm gonna want to crawl in a hole and die. But, you only life once and life is an experiment. If I hate this, I can always get ride of it.

Here's my new blog (for those that want to follow the loss of the fatness) Fat Girl Gets Fit.

I joined Weight Watchers... or, how the fat girl became just "chubby"

I know I will never been barbie-skinny, but I do need to lose some of the junk in my trunk to get healthy. I started by getting a personal trainer at the gyma little over a year ago (which I am getting back into) and now I've joined Weight Watchers at work. My lardy-butt will be counting the points on everything that slips past my lips (and promptly migrates to my thighs) in hopes of getting down to just being a kinda chubby, cute chick in flips flops.

Right now I am struggling. I hate having to look up everything I eat and figuring out what the points are. It's kinda tedious. I'm sure that part gets more intuitive and easy as time goes on, or at least I HOPE it does.

I'll also be starting a second blog where all you curious onlookers can see what I've been eating and how much I've lost. (no, you don't get to know my exact weight, just the ups and downs pounds-wise) Nothing like having the entire internet to hold you accountable. Perhaps this will guilt me into behaving? We'll see how it goes. Watch for the link later this week.

Thought for the day...

I have a few friends who think i should take a 6 month break from guys. Why? 9 months ago i broke up with my fiancee whom i had been dating for 6 years. He was cheating, alot. Then about 4 months ago i had a short dating thing that was basically a rebound relationship, i guess. It was short, really flirty and kinda outta character for me. (he was a bit of a wild child in some ways that I am not)

So... Here I am today.

They think I should take 6 months and focus on me and as one said "figure out how or why I am making bad decisions/choices on guys." And kinda figure out what I really want outta life in general.

I guess part of me thinks this is a good idea, but another part of me really doesn't want to. I'm talking to people (guys and gals, some I've known from the past and am catching up with, some who are new and I'm just getting to know. I kinda lived in a 2-person bubble for far too long (6 years) and cut people out as friends when I shouldn't have. I think as long as I look at it from that point of view, I'm being sensible and focusing on me, in a way that I didn't while I was with G. I'd call that a very good thing.

Besides, I'm 29 and need to live life, not put it on hold. Just need to take things slow, think before acting and try and be smart about the choices I make. :-)