Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Multimedia message

Monday, April 07, 2008


I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think about me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ’round rooms wondering what I’ve got to do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me

~Gavin DeGraw

Ok... mini status update. It’s been 6 months. At first I wasn’t sure of who the heck I was or what I was doing or how I was ever going to make it. (Upheaval in your life, especially the kind you don’t expect, is rough, but it happens. I’m not the first person to ever have been betrayed and had their heart broken, it just felt like that for a while.) But, you know what? Somewhere in the middle I figured it all out. I’m still stressed about the house, but I think I finally have an idea of what the heck I am doing and where I am going and who I want to be. And I *know* I am better off. I know it was the right choice for me.

Now when I go out, I don’t have that constant nagging, worrisome feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I’m being eaten from within. I don’t second guess when someone asks me to do something. I don’t feel like I am cut off from friends and a loner. I don’t feel like the person I love is slowly trying to break me (maybe not intentionally) with comments and criticism. I feel connected and loved and happy.

Yes, this whole debacle has changed who I am and how I look at things, but I don’t think I’m bitter because of it and the scars aren’t so bad. I guess they just add character.

Consider this me, closing the book on this chapter officially. I can’t say it never existed, but I can say it’s done. Goodbye.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

You know your week is improving when....

...when your friends make you laugh so hard you cry serious tears.... And the next day you make them laugh so hard they almost pee their pants. :-)

I mean, seriously, have you ever noticed certain people look like cartoon characters, famous people in the media and ummm.... other people. HAHA I know, we may be going to hell for saying it outloud, but we’re just being honest, not malicious.

And who can resist the hotness of fake redneck teeth! (well, except for maybe the garbage man who almost waved at me till he saw them and the trucker who gave me the confused look) Oh well....

They liked my devil horns, darn it!

God bless my friends. They make life VERY worth living. :-)

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

I feel out of sorts....

Today I woke up and started crying. For absolutely no reason. I honestly cannot tell you 100% why it happened. It just did. And the worst thing? I couldn't stop. I just laid there, wrapped my arms around my pillow and let it out. And I was still sniffly and teary when I was driving in to work. Maybe I had a warped out dream or something? It's like a sad little cloud has taken residence in my chest and mind. Now I just feel blah and very sad. Hope I shake this quick today. UGH....


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